What does consent really mean?

We think the British Police have nailed the topic of sexual consent, so rather than listen to us, take 3 mins to watch (and share) the clip in the header, or keep reading.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics – Personal Safety Survey 2012, 19.4% of women and 4.5% of men experienced sexual assault since the age of 15. It’s important you understand sexual consent, what it means and what it looks like.

How Do I Know If I Have Consent?

  • Consent can only be gained from a person of full mental faculties, not under the influence of drugs or persuasion i.e. involved by their own freewill.
  • Consent at the beginning of an act does not mean someone cannot change their mind or lose control. If this happens you no longer have consent and you should stop and ensure the person is safe.
  • Sex can only be great when everybody involved is enthusiastically engaged. Look for signs of enthusiastic consent such as verbal invitation, pulling you closer to them, asking for things, telling you what feels good.
  • Again, someone who may have enthusiastically consented at the start of play can also change their mind mid-act.

If you are unsure about consent, stop.

How Do I Ask For Consent?

Communication, communication, communication! Before, during and after. Create a safe and loving space. Even if you are ships passing in the night you can still be loving, respectful and care for the person you are with at the time.

Before

Just ask!

  • “I just want to make sure we are both into the same thing, would you like to … ? I’m also cool not doing anything”
  • “What would you like to do?”

This is also a great time to let your partner know your own limits.

During

Pillow talk is very sexy, use it to check on your partners willingness to remain involved.

  • “What feels good for you?”
  • “Do you like it when I …?”
  • “Tell me what you would like”
  • “Are you OK?”

After

  • “Thank you”
  • “What would make it better for you?”
  • “Are you OK?”

Laughing – Project Consent

If My Partner Said OK, Are There Cues They Didn’t Mean It?

Yes! You can be sure your partner is not feeling right about sex if they are doing any of the following

  • Not responding to your touch
  • Pushing you away
  • Holding their arms tightly around their own body
  • Turning away from you or hiding their face
  • Stiffening muscles

These are all good reasons to stop.

What If I Started It All And Now I’m Not Sure?

That is OK, you may have thought you were ready and you’re not, or you may not like something that is happening. Sex can only be great when everybody involved is enthusiastically engaged.

If you do not want what is happening, respect yourself and say so.

This could be “please stop, I’ve changed my mind” or “I need to go to the toilet” or “Can we talk?”

Take the time to talk to your partner and explain how you are feeling, give them the same respect you would want in the situation.

I’ve Been Led On

If you believe you are entitled to an act because you feel you were led on, or you are frustrated, or any other reason, well this behaviour is rapey and so not cool.

The best way to help yourself in this situation is ensure the other person is safe, find yourself a private place, and beat off! We’ve got lots of products to help with that part!

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About Jacqueline Haines

We're here to help you love - yourself, your special other(s), and the world – in a way that is both enjoyable and socially conscious.
2017-06-17T00:21:24+10:00 By |Body, Body1Only, Health, Mind, Safety, SexAdvice, SexHealth|

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