So you think your partner has vaginal dryness and you’re not sure how to help?
Well just the fact you care enough to search for some answers shows us you already have the empathy needed to find the answers with your partner.
The best things you can do are communicate with your partner, be a good listener, be supportive and be patient. Encourage your partner to discuss the topic with their doctor, and try and maintain your connection in ways other than just sex.
If your partner is beginning to fear sex due to pain, they may also try and avoid any contact which normally ends in sex. Try reading to each other, just laying and cuddling, sleeping naked to touch each other’s skin, regularly kissing, and not letting any of these acts lead to sex.
A fear of painful sex can go beyond the physical; it can trigger all sorts of emotions and lead to a pain cycle which may continue even after the pain has been treated. Work on learning to relax together and alone, but this may actually need help from a psychologist or a good sex therapist. Keep the communication open.
Vaginal dryness can be caused by so many things, hence the importance of chatting to a doctor. But any issue we experience with our sexual self is heightened by shame, embarrassment, or the guilt we are taught to carry through society. And yes sometimes this conditioning is stronger than the will to maintain a sexual connection with you while dealing with this massive change. So be mindful that getting your partner to speak opening may take time, but it’s time well spent.
Read the section above on ‘Ways to Make Sex with Vaginal Dryness Easier’, and think of creative ways to help yourselves work through this time.
Standard run of the mill vaginal dryness is still something to discuss with the doctor, but maybe you could be the one that breaks the silence in your next sexual encounter with ‘I grabbed this lube, my mates were talking about how good it feels. Want to try it?’ Keep your partner in mind when selecting the lube; does your partner normally have allergies? Are they vegan? … Vavven lubricant range.
Vaginal dryness caused by menopause could potentially be a big shock for you. This is such a huge change – hormonal, physical and psychological – for the person experiencing it and they need time to come to terms with this new ‘them’ before they can find ways to hold sexual connections tight.
Your partner may not really understand what is happening yet and this is because everyone will experience menopause differently, some will cruise through while others will experience mood alterations, insomnia and hot flushes, to name a few.
Menopause can impact your sex life for a few reasons, a drop in testosterone can cause a lower libido, and drops in oestrogen can cause vaginal dryness.
Yep you guessed it – the best thing you can do is wait, love, listen, be, and encourage your partner to talk with their doctor.
We mention listening a lot, because we’re hardwired to ‘fix’ things. But there are times in life when knowing you are there is really all our partner needs from you.
How does Vaginal Dryness Affect Partners?
Looking after yourself is very important, having your connection with your partner change is scary, and no one enjoys a sense of not being loved.
It’s important you look after yourself emotionally and physically. Work on your own emotional baggage to ensure you’re not trying to make this change about you. Chat with your doctor about these changes and how you are feeling, try to encourage a joint trip to the doctor and show you are both in this together.
Educate yourself by reading and listening. And most of all try and really understand why something is happening, for example, if your partner asks to sleep in a different bed this may be about concern over keeping you awake with hot flushes etc. So don’t jump to the conclusion that it’s about you.
This is your special other and you’ll both survive without sex for a while if needed, but this period will be shortened if you focus on what your special other needs, and not just focus on the loss of sexual connection.
The sexual connection will return with work, the important thing is to maintain your emotional and physical connection through touch and caring. Don’t be afraid to seek help from a range of different areas – sex therapist, psychologist, dietitian, physiotherapist, doctor…
And it’s perfectly normal to still need sexual release without guilt. You do not need your partner for sexual release, although is nice to have them around, we’re sure you’ve got what it takes to really get back in touch with yourself!
Masturbation is great for sexual release, it’s great for health and blood flow, and it’s great for learning what you enjoy. We have amazing products to help you masturbate (which can also work for couples play when everyone is ready). But if you’re not ready for our amazing products just yet, we’re guessing you more than likely have a perfectly good hand, so use it 🙂
Do You Recommend A Sex Therapist?
You bet ya, we love them.
And it’s a pleasure to recommend Cyndi Darnel who is a leading well-being therapists & relationship educator.
Cyndi runs skype, phone, and in person consultations so location isn’t an issue.
We recommend Cyndi because she is empathetic, practical, looks at the whole picture, and is really down to earth.